"What do you like to eat?" she said.
"Anything that you cook," he said.
And like that they were in love. Simple.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Other Third of Me
Today I am not Antoinette. I’m drinking coffee to stay awake. I’m picking at the skin around my finger nails. Today I’m thinking, thinking, thinking. Today I’m emotional and barely running off an hour worth of sleep. This is crazy. Today I have a lack of direction. Who is this person I’ve become? Please don’t ask me what’s wrong. Please don’t try to get anything out of me. I’m doing things I shouldn’t, but I have it under control. I’m just thinking too much. I’m just falling in a hole, but not really.
Today I’m Neenah Barcelona; no one has met her yet. Today Neenah is trying to make a conscious decision involving her heart and what’s best for her. Today Neenah is wrapped up in a situation that could potentially cause some heartache, but will be a good learning experience. Learning experiences are healthy for human living, right? Neenah seems to think so. Today Neenah wants time to stop for two seconds to catch her breath. Today Neenah will crunch on cups and cups of pellet ice so she can shiver, so she can stay awake.
Sometimes Neenah and I create situations that will cause us stress. Toni Kay doesn’t like when we get this way. If it was up to her every day would be peaches and cream. If you’re reading this and wondering what it all means, just know that Toni Kay would tell you but Neenah and I won’t. This is just the way things are today. Sometimes we get like this. Sometimes we think too much about everything and nothing gets accomplished. Sometimes we allow stupidity to take the front seat to common sense—things we know better not to do. Humph, maybe we’re just pre-PMSing.
Yesterday, a boy told me that women are sometimes too emotional. He said something else, but I wasn’t listening (too busy trying to figure him out). Tomorrow I’ll forget about what he said. Tomorrow I’ll be better. Every body has these days when things just aren’t quite right—your selves not quite welded the way they should be. Don’t worry (Marie) if you’re reading this. I’m tripping. We do that a lot. These are just words with a little feeling mixed in between.
Today I’m Neenah Barcelona; no one has met her yet. Today Neenah is trying to make a conscious decision involving her heart and what’s best for her. Today Neenah is wrapped up in a situation that could potentially cause some heartache, but will be a good learning experience. Learning experiences are healthy for human living, right? Neenah seems to think so. Today Neenah wants time to stop for two seconds to catch her breath. Today Neenah will crunch on cups and cups of pellet ice so she can shiver, so she can stay awake.
Sometimes Neenah and I create situations that will cause us stress. Toni Kay doesn’t like when we get this way. If it was up to her every day would be peaches and cream. If you’re reading this and wondering what it all means, just know that Toni Kay would tell you but Neenah and I won’t. This is just the way things are today. Sometimes we get like this. Sometimes we think too much about everything and nothing gets accomplished. Sometimes we allow stupidity to take the front seat to common sense—things we know better not to do. Humph, maybe we’re just pre-PMSing.
Yesterday, a boy told me that women are sometimes too emotional. He said something else, but I wasn’t listening (too busy trying to figure him out). Tomorrow I’ll forget about what he said. Tomorrow I’ll be better. Every body has these days when things just aren’t quite right—your selves not quite welded the way they should be. Don’t worry (Marie) if you’re reading this. I’m tripping. We do that a lot. These are just words with a little feeling mixed in between.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Minis and Me
I am in a state of horror—no, make that outrage. In the blistering cold I traveled from Starbucks to Starbucks searching for the one thing that would start my morning off right – a package of Starbucks black and white iced cookies. Out of the three franchises on North Michigan Avenue I came out each empty handed.
How is this possible? How could this be that in Chicago, on the Mag Mile I couldn’t find these cookies? It’s so not fair. It’s so not cool for Starbucks to suck so bad. I mean seriously, enough of the $5 beverages and $8 crust-less sandwiches—give me the damn cookies! My anger doesn’t only extend to the franchises downtown either. Yesterday I went searching for the cookies at a Starbucks in Lansing, IL. and came out of that store empty handed as well.
… let me tell you how the cookies and I fell in love. It was a cold Saturday night in January. I was feeling content, but had just a touch of melancholy while walking down the deserted streets of Schaumburg, IL. Like I said, my world was moving but it could have been better when all of a sudden I saw the sign, the big illuminated green lights and something inside of me fluttered. I was being lured toward green but I didn’t mind. Once inside I was greeted with the strong smell of coffee, but I wasn’t interested in that. I wanted something to lift me higher or brighten things up, so to speak. And that’s when I saw them—the cookies, both iced with white and chocolate icing in a moon-like shape. Instantly, I knew I had to have them, but refused to let the perky blonde cashier see my vulnerable side. So I perused the counter looking at other cookies for like six seconds before I picked up the package, handed it (along with money) for the check out. With the first bite into the spongy piece of heaven I was smitten. There will never be another coffee shop cookie that will make my heart sing like the mini cookies.
Damn you Starbucks, damn!
How is this possible? How could this be that in Chicago, on the Mag Mile I couldn’t find these cookies? It’s so not fair. It’s so not cool for Starbucks to suck so bad. I mean seriously, enough of the $5 beverages and $8 crust-less sandwiches—give me the damn cookies! My anger doesn’t only extend to the franchises downtown either. Yesterday I went searching for the cookies at a Starbucks in Lansing, IL. and came out of that store empty handed as well.
… let me tell you how the cookies and I fell in love. It was a cold Saturday night in January. I was feeling content, but had just a touch of melancholy while walking down the deserted streets of Schaumburg, IL. Like I said, my world was moving but it could have been better when all of a sudden I saw the sign, the big illuminated green lights and something inside of me fluttered. I was being lured toward green but I didn’t mind. Once inside I was greeted with the strong smell of coffee, but I wasn’t interested in that. I wanted something to lift me higher or brighten things up, so to speak. And that’s when I saw them—the cookies, both iced with white and chocolate icing in a moon-like shape. Instantly, I knew I had to have them, but refused to let the perky blonde cashier see my vulnerable side. So I perused the counter looking at other cookies for like six seconds before I picked up the package, handed it (along with money) for the check out. With the first bite into the spongy piece of heaven I was smitten. There will never be another coffee shop cookie that will make my heart sing like the mini cookies.
Damn you Starbucks, damn!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Come To Me Baby
Oh, you were the one that always made the wrong things right. When my world was topsy turvy just one minute with you would make everything more than sweet. Sitting here typing, drowsy and sinking, I come to realize I miss you. We don't spend time anymore. I barely see you, sleep. This separation is killing me ever so softly. I need to feel your touch and the way things were when my life was normal and bedtime was at 9:15 p.m. I feel as though we've disconnected like a friendship that's fading fast. It's become apparent that I can't hang out with the late crowd. I can't be without you so come back to me.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Working
In this place we all call home for eight hours strange things happen. Things that sometimes can't be explained. Things that sometimes leaves the world standing still just a little bit longer. At work people are expected to produce, negoitiate, lie, whine, eat, adjust their chairs in five minute intervals, clear their throats and try to be normal. Being normal is something Norm knows about. He's the kind of guy that will hit the back of a colleague's chair all while humming Another Bites The Dust. Norm is one of those cool dudes that hits the backs of his coworkers chairs as he passes by, and tells overweight, self-conscious women in the office, Hell, you sure look fat today. And after saying something like this to Fatty Patty, who avoids wearing stripes no matter what Elle says, normal Norm will scamper off to the water cooler to refresh himself. He won't think about office etiquette or the fact that men shouldn't ever bring up a woman's weight.
Working brings out the best in some of us, but in others it carves away our asshole centers. Being an asshole is something Ashley knows about. She's the kind of woman worker that believes in busting balls with a jackhammer motion. In the office, this women will dissemble a male co worker's ego without breaking a sweat. She loathes testosterone and thinks women wearing black DK suits are empowered individuals up for the challenge of life and moving ahead. Moving ahead is something Ashley knows about. She was the first woman in the office to crack her boss's balls with a nutcracker.
Working brings out the best in some of us, but in others it carves away our asshole centers. Being an asshole is something Ashley knows about. She's the kind of woman worker that believes in busting balls with a jackhammer motion. In the office, this women will dissemble a male co worker's ego without breaking a sweat. She loathes testosterone and thinks women wearing black DK suits are empowered individuals up for the challenge of life and moving ahead. Moving ahead is something Ashley knows about. She was the first woman in the office to crack her boss's balls with a nutcracker.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sleeping Softly
When on the job, the best thing you can do when sleepy is to not think about sleeping.
---Neena Barcelona
So I’m at work and I am dead tired. I cannot focus. I cannot think. I stayed up too late. My eyelids feel like two bumble bees have snuggled in tightly on each of them with their little bulb bodies wrapped up for warmth and comfort. I have contemplated twice of briskly walking to the bathroom, entering through the door, choosing the largest stall, cleaning off the largest stall’s ivory colored toilet seat and sitting down for a snooze. I’ve resorted to picking and biting the skin and exposed cuticle are my fingernails in this fight with the sluggish monster. He wants my blood and bones. I’ve resorted to being unproductive. He’s preventing me from getting on the phone.
This has to stop. In a desperate attempt to take back the control of my eyelids, I broke my water diet to drink a cup of Starbucks coffee with hazelnut cream. The hazelnut cream wasn’t a good idea. I’m not a coffee drinker, but my situation was and is dire. I continued to nod off until I went to the washroom not to sleep, but to douse my face with water. Before the water dousing, I sat at my desk trying to write down about twelve hospital names. During these attempts, I would jerk awake to find the blue ball point pen I was writing with relaxed in my hand at a slant on yellow tablet paper. It was embarrassing to look down at the words I had scribbled and not remember when I had written them.
Now that the coffee and water seems to be kicking in I can work, but I still wish that it was 2:15p and I only had an hour and forty-five minutes left to work. Today I’m going to change my 2009 life in several ways: 1. I will begin my writing regiment at 6p. 2. I will change my mind about attending AWP. 3. I will get some sleep. 4. I will think some more about my image and words post card idea. 5. I will be a better me. 6. I will remember how it felt when I had dreams. 7. I will smile when I think of how exciting my life is as an artist. 8. I will be grateful for the gift. 9. I will not be so Antoinette when it comes to creating and embrace Toni Kay. 10. I will, I will … I will be.
So like a thief in the night, the sleep that weighed on my back like a hog has vanished. I feel somewhat restored and ready to earn my pay. I feel like maybe there is some truth to the phrase ‘mind over matter’. Even though the sluggish monster has decided to lay dormant I’m still picking at the skin around my fingernails. Pick, pick, picking—well, maybe I’m half way there.
---Neena Barcelona
So I’m at work and I am dead tired. I cannot focus. I cannot think. I stayed up too late. My eyelids feel like two bumble bees have snuggled in tightly on each of them with their little bulb bodies wrapped up for warmth and comfort. I have contemplated twice of briskly walking to the bathroom, entering through the door, choosing the largest stall, cleaning off the largest stall’s ivory colored toilet seat and sitting down for a snooze. I’ve resorted to picking and biting the skin and exposed cuticle are my fingernails in this fight with the sluggish monster. He wants my blood and bones. I’ve resorted to being unproductive. He’s preventing me from getting on the phone.
This has to stop. In a desperate attempt to take back the control of my eyelids, I broke my water diet to drink a cup of Starbucks coffee with hazelnut cream. The hazelnut cream wasn’t a good idea. I’m not a coffee drinker, but my situation was and is dire. I continued to nod off until I went to the washroom not to sleep, but to douse my face with water. Before the water dousing, I sat at my desk trying to write down about twelve hospital names. During these attempts, I would jerk awake to find the blue ball point pen I was writing with relaxed in my hand at a slant on yellow tablet paper. It was embarrassing to look down at the words I had scribbled and not remember when I had written them.
Now that the coffee and water seems to be kicking in I can work, but I still wish that it was 2:15p and I only had an hour and forty-five minutes left to work. Today I’m going to change my 2009 life in several ways: 1. I will begin my writing regiment at 6p. 2. I will change my mind about attending AWP. 3. I will get some sleep. 4. I will think some more about my image and words post card idea. 5. I will be a better me. 6. I will remember how it felt when I had dreams. 7. I will smile when I think of how exciting my life is as an artist. 8. I will be grateful for the gift. 9. I will not be so Antoinette when it comes to creating and embrace Toni Kay. 10. I will, I will … I will be.
So like a thief in the night, the sleep that weighed on my back like a hog has vanished. I feel somewhat restored and ready to earn my pay. I feel like maybe there is some truth to the phrase ‘mind over matter’. Even though the sluggish monster has decided to lay dormant I’m still picking at the skin around my fingernails. Pick, pick, picking—well, maybe I’m half way there.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Stream of Consciousness - Flowing, Flowing, Flow
I’m upset I bought these Timberland boots now. I’m upset because they gush all over my feet like slop or soup (if that makes sense) but it probably doesn’t because it’s coming from me. Me, this person that’s typing, writing these words that may not make a bit of sense now but one day they, me, you, these words will all come together in the end like a rainbow. I’m feeling good now and that’s directly related to one person. Person—a human being with feelings, faults, fun things to say, and failures. We all have these things because we are human and not perfect, but that’s okay that we’re not perfect as long as we strive to do the right thing. Thing—things are fun sometimes. Sometimes there’s so many things to do that I don’t know which thing is more important than the next thing. Then the next thing I know my world, life, existence is crowded and being slowly suffocated by things. Do you like things? I probably won’t care if you do so don’t feel obligated to answer or keep reading for that matter because this might be a complete waste of your time. Time—the most precious thing on earth that God could give besides Jesus and our life. Sometimes time can work against us or not be on our side like the song says, but maybe that’s a lie to. Lie—something that’s not the truth and can cause hurt and pain unnecessarily.
Now I’m upset I bought these Timberlands. There a light nubuck color and I don’t like light nubuck colors because they make my feet look big. Feet—feet are good for walking. Now the boots looks months old and I just got them on Sunday. My friend Marie bought some boots, Timberlands, but I bet they don’t look like mines—light nubuck color and big. Big on her feet—I bet they don’t look. This is stupid, but then isn’t a lot of things stupid? Who knows? Whenever I would say this to my godfather (who knows?) he would respond, “The shadow knows.” This is a line from an old television show before my time, before the dinosaurs. This is my time to figure out what’s going on in my life – what’s next career-wise, my motive for being—my purpose. Purpose—purposes are completed so lets glaze over this one unless you don’t want to glaze over anything that important, but maybe you don’t think it’s important. My friend Marie told me to re-read the Purpose Driven Life book. I told her I never finished the first time. She loves me and encourages me even when I don’t deserve it—I’m glad she’s around. Around—I’m glad you’re around too: Konahe, Tenika, Hannah, Niki, Slee, Luke, Diana, Steph, Diana (#1), Shirls, Candace, P. Martin, Kesha, Darryl, Denise, Laquetta, Lima Red, and others.
This is me being upset about a pair of boots that I thought I liked in the store, but after wearing them several times I think they are making me ill. Feeling ill, I tell my co-worker that I think the purified water in the purified water cooler is making me ill. I told her this yesterday, but today I realize that I’m just going through withdrawal from drinking so much pop. It’s been four days and I’m still making it without the fizzing devil. Sometimes I joke that I need some dirt in my water—good ole Chicago tap. There are four people that I need to call back this week. I don’t want them to think I’m such a busy person that I can’t return a phone call because I’m not. To the four people waiting to hear from me, my phone call is on the way. By the way, with a show of hands how many people are happy to be alive today? Okay, I know I can’t actually see the hands, but ponder on this blessing for a minute. Minute—it takes a minute to laugh, a minute to be born, cry and die. Okay, what’s next maybe the news—haven’t watch it in a while. Well, how about an international headline: “Woman Being Charged With First Degree Murder For Setting Her Sleeping Husband’s Penis Afire.” This is crazy. I read this yesterday and was horrified. She said she didn’t mean to kill him. She said he was cheating and she had an innocence hug he gave some woman as proof for her claim. She said she loved him, but what he had was hers’. This lady lives in Austria or Australia—I can’t remember, but I wish she hadn’t killed him or saw that infamous hug.
Now I’m upset I bought these Timberlands. There a light nubuck color and I don’t like light nubuck colors because they make my feet look big. Feet—feet are good for walking. Now the boots looks months old and I just got them on Sunday. My friend Marie bought some boots, Timberlands, but I bet they don’t look like mines—light nubuck color and big. Big on her feet—I bet they don’t look. This is stupid, but then isn’t a lot of things stupid? Who knows? Whenever I would say this to my godfather (who knows?) he would respond, “The shadow knows.” This is a line from an old television show before my time, before the dinosaurs. This is my time to figure out what’s going on in my life – what’s next career-wise, my motive for being—my purpose. Purpose—purposes are completed so lets glaze over this one unless you don’t want to glaze over anything that important, but maybe you don’t think it’s important. My friend Marie told me to re-read the Purpose Driven Life book. I told her I never finished the first time. She loves me and encourages me even when I don’t deserve it—I’m glad she’s around. Around—I’m glad you’re around too: Konahe, Tenika, Hannah, Niki, Slee, Luke, Diana, Steph, Diana (#1), Shirls, Candace, P. Martin, Kesha, Darryl, Denise, Laquetta, Lima Red, and others.
This is me being upset about a pair of boots that I thought I liked in the store, but after wearing them several times I think they are making me ill. Feeling ill, I tell my co-worker that I think the purified water in the purified water cooler is making me ill. I told her this yesterday, but today I realize that I’m just going through withdrawal from drinking so much pop. It’s been four days and I’m still making it without the fizzing devil. Sometimes I joke that I need some dirt in my water—good ole Chicago tap. There are four people that I need to call back this week. I don’t want them to think I’m such a busy person that I can’t return a phone call because I’m not. To the four people waiting to hear from me, my phone call is on the way. By the way, with a show of hands how many people are happy to be alive today? Okay, I know I can’t actually see the hands, but ponder on this blessing for a minute. Minute—it takes a minute to laugh, a minute to be born, cry and die. Okay, what’s next maybe the news—haven’t watch it in a while. Well, how about an international headline: “Woman Being Charged With First Degree Murder For Setting Her Sleeping Husband’s Penis Afire.” This is crazy. I read this yesterday and was horrified. She said she didn’t mean to kill him. She said he was cheating and she had an innocence hug he gave some woman as proof for her claim. She said she loved him, but what he had was hers’. This lady lives in Austria or Australia—I can’t remember, but I wish she hadn’t killed him or saw that infamous hug.
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