Thursday, October 29, 2009

Help! Like That Beetles Song


I'm writing, writing and scratching my head trying to figure out who the hell this women is. What kind of person does she sound like? What are any thoughts--seriously, anything.

Opening Prayer
… And I say unto you, Lord, you are my light and my salvation of whom shall I fear? You are the strength of my life of whom shall I be afraid?

The deacon will always be apart of me now that he’s gone. Storm clouds may rise and strong winds may blow, but he’ll still be here beside me silently praying for my soul. The deacon was my lover and also a friend. He was the one man I thought could change my world—make me a better Jamie and saint of God. But who was I fooling; being a saint of God was the last thing on my mind when he would stretch me across his alters of praise to devour my sins. Sometimes I can be a real jerk when it comes to faith and sex and believing in God and doing the right things like not sleeping around with husbands. But I’m trying to be honest here because that’s what the saints want to hear. The first time I heard him preach I knew I had to have him. Lila McCree and his three children were the last things on my mind. I didn’t care about a wife waiting by the phone for him to call or repetitiously peeking behind lavender Priscillas hoping he’d come home. On those nights, mornings, days I wanted him wrapped comfortably inside of me so that I could be his shelter in the time of storm. Some of the saints upon hearing my story might want to pick up a stone and Mary Magdalene me, but they would be throwing out of ignorance.


Luke said...

Who does this person sound like?

Well. She sounds like the type of person who does something wrong, then justifies it in her mind so she can keep on doing it. She sounds like the narrator in Junot Diaz's "The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars" when he says something like "She Bartlebys me." I would say that she sounds like a person who a lot of people don't really like, especially homely women, because she uses her sexuality in order to gain comfort and affection from men, kind of like a weapon, but kind of like a defense mechanism. I can see her not having a ton of friends, but maybe one personal confidant... a mom or an aunt or something like that. Boys pay attention to her. She knows it and she likes it, but really it's kind of a weakness? She's romantic, but she's never been in love with a man who loves her back. She's experienced lust, but maybe not even true friendship.

Am I way off base? I just wrote down a bunch of stuff that popped into my mind.

thethirdtoni said...

Actually, you are more on base then I am--thanks Luke. Funny thing is I'm not sure if I like her.